Introduction to Fundamentally Flawed

Women dealing with infertility and miscarriage find themselves on a lonely road riddled with emotions like anger, emptiness, worthlessness, and depression. It is a subject not often addressed in our churches and Bible studies. There seem to be support groups for everyone else now days, but there are few—if any—support groups for these women who so desperately need it. It is difficult for those who have never experienced the feelings of failure that come from being unable to conceive, or the heartbreak of a failed pregnancy to understand the inner turmoil that these women—and their husbands—walk through every month. As a result, most only receive a sympathetic hug and an “I’m so sorry” or a well-meaning “You’ll get pregnant someday” instead of the help they really need.

My own experiences with both infertility and miscarriage took me through a range of debilitating emotions. I was angry at myself for being so “flawed”, angry at God for giving me a desire to mother, but not the ability, and even angry at other women who were able to conceive.  There was the monthly cycle of hope and heartbreak; the feelings of utter worthlessness and failure as a woman for not being able to create and bring forth life; the sense of isolation and loneliness; and there was the constant, nagging emptiness and longing – the stabbing pain when a friend became pregnant, or the ache when I passed a newborn in the grocery store. As months soon became years, this gamut of unchecked emotions that had been running rampant began to become a destructive force that affected my emotional health, my marriage, and my relationships with others.

It was only after the devastation and chaos that resulted from a particularly bad miscarriage that I, very slowly, began to explore the deepest parts of my heart and discover the truth behind the years of despair, frustration, and bitterness I had come from. It is my hope that this study will help those women like me to find hope and peace by understanding and sharing the emotions they are experiencing and learning how to overcome them, by finding a network of support from women just like them, and, most importantly, by discovering God’s role and feelings on their situation, and cultivating a relationship with Him that transcends all else.

The Post that launched a thousand...books

At least, one can only hope.
So, I've been writing since I was a child. Whether I'm any good, or not, remains to be seen. This, however is my first blog. I've never been a big performer on the social media stage... for many reasons, but one being that I never thought what I have to say would be interesting to anyone. When the publishing company told me I'd have to change all that, inwardly, I groaned. (As I did when they told me I'd have to provide a photo of myself.)

When I got the email that Fundamentally Flawed had printed and was ready to ship, I knew it was time for me to stop groaning and start socializing. Even as I write this now, I feel the proverbial butterflies in my stomach, and I realize that's its not so much the issue that no one will be interested in what I have to say as it is that people will be critical of it. It's hard to open up yourself, your life, your experiences, your opinions-- everything that makes you the person you are to the censure of others. It's a frightening prospect, and one I have to wonder if I'm prepared for.

But I guess the question I really have to ask myself is, do I believe in this work? The answer is, without a doubt, unequivocally, unflinchingly, YES! It took me four months, start to finish to write this book, and throughout it all, I felt God's guiding and leading so strongly and undeniably that to doubt it was His words I wrote, and His ideas that flowed would be insanity. After all, I'm not THAT clever... just ask my husband!!

If I believe that this book is God's work, then what do I have to fear? The critical naysayers will come-- they must-- but, if Fundamentally Flawed is able to deliver just one woman whose infertility makes her life feel hopelessly bleak and unbearable, as mine once did, then I will count it among the greatest successes of my life. So to the naysayers, I will only say, as Paul did in Romans 8:31, "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

So, here I go, out into the deep, endless, and turbulent waters of society, confident in one thing: my God is always with me, and He will never let me fall.