Introduction to Fundamentally Flawed

Women dealing with infertility and miscarriage find themselves on a lonely road riddled with emotions like anger, emptiness, worthlessness, and depression. It is a subject not often addressed in our churches and Bible studies. There seem to be support groups for everyone else now days, but there are few—if any—support groups for these women who so desperately need it. It is difficult for those who have never experienced the feelings of failure that come from being unable to conceive, or the heartbreak of a failed pregnancy to understand the inner turmoil that these women—and their husbands—walk through every month. As a result, most only receive a sympathetic hug and an “I’m so sorry” or a well-meaning “You’ll get pregnant someday” instead of the help they really need.

My own experiences with both infertility and miscarriage took me through a range of debilitating emotions. I was angry at myself for being so “flawed”, angry at God for giving me a desire to mother, but not the ability, and even angry at other women who were able to conceive.  There was the monthly cycle of hope and heartbreak; the feelings of utter worthlessness and failure as a woman for not being able to create and bring forth life; the sense of isolation and loneliness; and there was the constant, nagging emptiness and longing – the stabbing pain when a friend became pregnant, or the ache when I passed a newborn in the grocery store. As months soon became years, this gamut of unchecked emotions that had been running rampant began to become a destructive force that affected my emotional health, my marriage, and my relationships with others.

It was only after the devastation and chaos that resulted from a particularly bad miscarriage that I, very slowly, began to explore the deepest parts of my heart and discover the truth behind the years of despair, frustration, and bitterness I had come from. It is my hope that this study will help those women like me to find hope and peace by understanding and sharing the emotions they are experiencing and learning how to overcome them, by finding a network of support from women just like them, and, most importantly, by discovering God’s role and feelings on their situation, and cultivating a relationship with Him that transcends all else.