Anger and Bitterness: Post 3

Unresolved anger will eventually cool into bitterness. A bitter person is one with few friends. They lash out at anyone and everyone from the depth of their misery. They live a joyless and wretched life that dwells constantly in past hurts. You may have known someone during your lifetime that was consumed by bitterness. Such a person constructs walls around themselves and refuses to let anyone in. A bitter person is selfish, inconsiderate of others, withdrawn from society, irrational, and indifferent towards everyone. 

“Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy.” Proverbs 14:10

 

"I cannot keep from speaking. I must express my anguish. My bitter soul must complain.” Job 7:11

 

"I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. My bitter soul must complain.” Job 10:1

 

“Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Hebrews 12:15

These verses represent a snapshot of what bitterness looks like in a person. Once the root of bitterness takes hold, it is difficult to remove it. 

 

Bitterness destroys a person’s relationship with God. It makes them unable to accept His unconditional love for them, and makes them unable to love Him in return. Ray Burke, in his book Anger--Diffusing the Bomb, says that each time he counseled those who doubted God's love for them, he discovered that somewhere along the line they harbored bitterness against God, themselves or someone else. When this bitterness was finally dealt with and resolved, their ability to accept God's love and forgiveness was restored.

 

Bitterness is not only damaging to us spiritually, but it also affects our physical and mental health. In the book None of these Diseases, S. I. McMillan says, “anger, unhandled, will show itself in at least 50 diseases." Dr. Norman Wright, a Christian professor of psychology at Biola University, also attests to this fact. God has constructed us, he says, with a tube about 30 feet long that begins at our throat and runs to our rectum. That long tube, disturbed by bitterness and anger, produces things like colitis, diarrhea and ulcers. When we are angry and do not handle it properly, there are physical consequences.

 

A biblical example of bitterness is played out in the life of Naomi, the mother-in-law of Ruth. It is interesting to note that her name meant “Pleasant”.  Naomi’s story is similar in many ways to our own. She suffered the loss of those she held most dear. After moving to a strange land from her homeland, Israel, with her husband and two sons, she was in the tragic position to witness the deaths of all three within ten years. The book of Ruth records her comments to her daughter-in-laws, revealing the target of her anger:

“Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.” Ruth 1:13b

Naomi was a woman obsessed with her tragedy. All three women were in the same position. They had all lost those dear to them, yet Naomi’s bitterness had so overwhelmed her that she felt the need to compare her suffering with those around her.
           
"’Don't call me Naomi,’ she responded. ’Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?’" Ruth 1: 20-21

God had become the author of her pain and the object of her anger. God had taken away her husband and her sons, and she held it against Him. Five times in these three verses she held God accountable for her bitterness. She was so bitter, in fact, that she even changed her name to mean “Bitter”. This is an important picture of the effect bitterness has on a life. It changed Naomi so drastically that even her very identity was altered.

No Rest for the Praying

"You who call on the Lord give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest..."                                                  
Isaiah 62:6b-7a

I want, therefore I ask... or whine, or scream, or cry, or pout, or just give up.

We all have wants... sometimes it’s those fleeting, purely fleshly wants that aren’t designed for any real happiness; but at other times it’s those deep desires of the heart-- the things who's absence leaves us feeling empty, unsettled, and unfulfilled. For some of us, that's the desire to be a mother, for some it may be healing, for others, salvation for a loved one. These are the desires that should, and usually do, drive us to seek out the answer from God-- at least, for a while.

When I want to see something happen in my life, something that I acknowledge is beyond my physical control, I'm quick to take it God. (Ideally, I should take everything to Him first, but that's a topic for a whole different discussion!) I usually start out good, but endurance is the real problem. I pray about it for a week, maybe two, maybe even a month, but, eventually, I'm bound to give up.
I'll admit, sometimes my attitude has been to wonder why I should continually pray for the same thing, when I'm praying to an all-knowing God. Doesn't the Bible say He already knows what I need before I ask it? Should I really have to ask the same thing of Him day after day after day? Sometimes it just seems so redundant.

There's truth in those thoughts. God does know us so intimately that He knows every need we have before we even know we have it. God is aware of, and sometimes even meets our needs without us asking Him to. Despite these truths, the Bible tells us to be faithful in prayer and we have to wonder why.

I think the real reason is in the nature of prayer itself. Prayer isn't for God's benefit, but for ours. When we pray, we are acknowledging God's sovereignty in our life. We are confessing to Him and to ourselves that we need Him; that we are incomplete without Him. Prayer is meant to strengthen our faith and our trust in God by deepening our relationship with Him.

Of course, then we ask how we are supposed to trust God when our prayers seem to always return unanswered. I, myself, am so guilty of asking this very question. Prayer is meant to be a conversation, not a monologue. Have you ever tried to talk to someone who wants to ask you lots of questions or present you with plenty of problems, but is never willing to stop and listen to your answers? Both of you walk away feeling frustrated-- they are frustrated because they feel you gave them no help, and you because the help you tried to give fell on deaf ears. That is so often how our prayer life plays out.

Prayer should be about speaking and listening. In speaking to God-- in telling Him about our troubles and asking for His help-- we are putting down that rebellious part of us that wants to take on the world alone, that wants to make it through life unassisted and therefore, unaccountable. When we pray, we are giving our spirit the opportunity to commune with our Father, to be strengthened and renewed by His presence, and to feel the wonder of His love and concern for even the most mundane of our troubles; but, then, we must also be willing to listen for His reply.

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Jeremiah 33:3 

God has the answers we're looking for, but how willing are we to be still for a few moments and listen? How willing are we to put aside our grasping and clawing and clamoring to just listen to what He has to say?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord..."
Jeremiah 29:11-14

God has a master plan for each of our lives, and we cannot know it from beginning to end. Sometimes the things we want fit into that plan right away; sometimes they don't fit in for many years to come; sometimes, they don't fit in at all. No matter what the answer is, God hears our prayers, even when we want to believe He isn't listening. He's always ready to take our hands and speak peace and comfort to us as He tells us of the plans he lovingly crafted for our life.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

How do we respond to the answers we receive to our prayers? The verse above is the key to how we should respond. When God answers our requests with a 'yes', and we have what we ask for, we rejoice. When the answer seems to be 'not yet', we keep praying--we give ourselves no rest-- until it's answered. When the answer is 'no', we praise Him anyway, knowing that His plan for our life is greater than anything we can ask or think, and that, despite the disappointment and heartache we feel, He has promised that He will work everything out in our life for our good.

To many of us, the thought of a 'no' to that request so close to our heart seems like more than we can handle. In my own life, I've received some joyous 'yes’s', some frustrating 'wait’s' and some heartrending 'no’s'. It isn't ever easy to accept God's plan when it doesn't coincide with our own, and God doesn't fault us for being disappointed. He wants us to take those disappointments to Him, too, and let Him speak to our hearts about His love and care for us. If we are willing to listen... even when we don't want to hear what He has to say... we can find a peace that will give us patience and hope in every situation.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 

 

 

Anger and Bitterness: Post 2

 Days later, after the initial shock had worn down to a dull ache, my heart began to open itself up to negotiations. I felt empty, unsettled, and unsure. There was a song that kept bringing itself to memory during that time:

Hide me now under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hand.
Find rest my soul in Christ alone
Know his power in quietness and trust.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are king over the flood.
I will be still and know you are God.

The very one I felt had betrayed me was also the only one I knew could comfort me.
His heart was grieving with mine.
               
 “Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, ‘Are you also going to leave?’ Simon Peter replied, ‘Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.’" John 6:67-68

God was asking me: “Are you going to turn your back on Me?” Lord, to whom would I go? That thought struck me with such power that I began to weep. He alone had the words of life. Anywhere else I would find only more death and devastation, nothing but hopelessness when I was so desperate for something to believe in.

God was not the author of my despair. He hadn’t given me what my heart was so desperate for only to snatch it away in some cruel test of my affection. My anger was directed at the very one Who most intimately understood and shared my pain. It was like the pain He feels when one of His creation slips away into an eternity of darkness. He never had the chance to hold them in His arms and tell them just how much He loved them.

He could identify with my loss.